Doc Meek

Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

“A registered nurse for more than thirty five years, Corry Roach continues to practise the therapy she pioneered as a result of her healing journey after her daughter Lindsay’s death.”

Image/text from: http://www.ByGraceofMourning.ca

Corry Roach once asked me if she should accept an invitation from a post-secondary institution to teach a course on her speciality: Therapeutic Art Methods. I suggested she ask the institution: “Do you want me to talk about my psychotherapeutic practice or do you want me to do my Therapeutic Art Methods (invite  your students to experience my psychotherapeutic work for themselves, by actually doing it or trying it out in class)?

They wanted her to just talk about her Therapeutic Art Methods, NOT engage the students with the rich experience itself. She declined that particular assignment. Corry is clear: “You have to experience it to appreciate and understand it.”

I recently emailed Corry about a student who is taking an art therapy class. I asked Corry if I could refer this student to her so that the student could learn invaluable aspects of art therapy from her also. Here is Corry’s response:

“Collins, I am not an art therapist, per se. I am a nurse specializing in Therapeutic Art Methods, and I have integrated this with adjuncts into a pioneered practise of psychotherapy. The adjuncts are NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming), Therapeutic Touch, Senoi Indian Dream work, Jungian dream work, resonance in music therapy, the analysis of fairy tales, and psychodrama. As well, I use the work of the late Elisabeth Kubler Ross, M.D., in externalization work [helping the clients experience their deepest feelings/experiences by bringing them into conscious awareness].

“I was informed by my professional nursing association in 1986 that I was functioning at a doctorate level, but when one does pioneered work, there remain no degrees or letters behind one’s name. I have left it so by choice, although I’ve taught MDs, PhDs, social workers, nurses and teachers, as well as in institutions of learning (University of Alberta, Grant McEwan University, Red Deer College, Children’s hospital in Calgary).

“The difference between art therapy and my work of Therapeutic Art Methods is the analysis of the unconscious content in spontaneous drawings, which is also where the experiential adjuncts apply, i.e the picture work [created by the client on the spot] identifies the client’s issues, and the adjuncts are modalities that assist in the “working it through” of those issues. Together, they  form a powerful healing tool that transcends boundaries [usually] found in other forms of therapy and healing work. Preverbal children and aphasics (those unable to speak) may also benefit. Historically, I have found it immensely rewarding through my work with dying patients and their families, children and those seeking support on their spiritual healing journey.

“Art therapists have told me many times that my work goes much deeper than art therapy, and from my experience of both modalities academically and experientially, I must agree this is so.

“I am delighted your [student] is taking the St Stephen’s [art therapy] program, as Dr Leslie Gardner teaches there and is a dear friend for many years, and is very familiar with my work. You may also wish to direct her to http://www.ByGraceofMourning.ca for more information on my work in the field of grief resolution. It is coming to my attention more these days that I should perhaps elaborate on my drawing therapy work [Therapeutic Art Methods] on the website.” ……………………………………………………………………………………..

Thank you, Corry Roach, for your pioneering work using Therapeutic Art Methods and its adjuncts, which has healed the hearts of a multitude of children (and adults)!

Doc Meek, Wednesday, February 9, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

P.S. Below are the front and back covers of the book entitled By Grace of Mourning, authored by Corry Roach:

ByGraceOfMourningFrontCover.jpg 502K   View Download

ByGraceOfMourningBackCover.jpg 488K   View Download

Monday, February 7, 2011. Today I am grateful for Dr. David Burns, who many years ago now, helped teach me about the pathway for defeating deep depression, helping me to learn the pathway of healthier thinking. Now he has an updated version of his famous book, Feeling Good.

Image and text from: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/B00150FQAS/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297064736&sr=1-3

Image from: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297067696&sr=1-1

……………………………………………….

Thank you, David Burns, for leading us out of the wilderness of pain and into clearer cognitive light!

Doc Meek, Monday, February 7, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

Friday, February 4, 2011. Today I am grateful for people who organize themselves and don’t wait for government to step in. Such a one is Penny Gill, who started a cooking school in her own home for adults and adolescents with autism. Penny founded Autism/PDD* Family Alliance to encourage such services by volunteers. [*PDD = Pervasive Developmental Disorder]

Image/text below from: http://www.cookingwithautism.com/about-us/

ABOUT US: AUTISM/PDD FAMILY ALLIANCE

Autism/PDD Family Alliance began serving the needs of teenagers and adults with Aspergers and other forms of autism through innovative services in 2001 – offering specially designed programs for these individuals and their unique learning styles.

As a registered charity, AFA operates through a dedicated group of volunteers, who pride themselves on the fact that all of the charity’s funds go directly to services, not to overhead or administration.

Image/text above from: http://www.cookingwithautism.com/about-us/ …………………………………………………………………………………..

Thank you, Penny Gill and John Varney, for teaching us to be inclusive and to learn from each other!

Doc Meek, Friday, February 4, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

P.S. I learned of Penny Gill from an article entitled “Making it Matter: A Recipe for HOPE,” in the Reader’s Digest, February 2011, page 31.

I learned of John Varney from the internet:

Northern Leadership Academy: http://www.logovisual.com/articles/understanding_leadership_with_LVT.pdf

Thursday, February 3, 2011. Today I am grateful for “dreamers” who lead us to better “lands,” in our minds and in our hearts. They help us keep learning.

Wooden Gaff-rigged Cutter; image from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sailing

A Thistle running downwind with aspinnaker; image from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sailing

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover [learn].”
~ Mark Twain [Samuel Clemens] (1835-1910); author, humorist

From: Values.com (The Foundation for a Better Life)

Thank you, Samuel Clemens [Mark Twain] for pointing the way to learning through many means!

Doc Meek, Thursday, February 3, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

THE LEARNING CLINIC WORLDWIDE blog is for students, teachers, parents, and other educational leaders

Wednesday, February 2, 2011. Today I am grateful for those who help us learn about overcoming depression without having to rely on drugs, or at least without having to rely on drugs solely and continuously. Today our gratitude goes out to Neil Kaufman and Lyte Kaufman of The Option Institute.

Receive a free copy of our introductory CD, along with our catalog of Option Institute Programs! They will give you detailed information about The Option Institute and all of our life-transforming per…

Photo/text from: http://www.option.org/index.php

Facing Challenges, Our Students Gained Self Reliance and A Positive Approach Wow! These live testimonials keep pouring in and they tell stories of overcoming real life challenges. What challenges are…

Photo/text from: http://www.option.org/index.php

The Option Institute is a not-for-profit educational organization founded in 1983 by best-selling author (Happiness Is A Choice) Barry Neil Kaufman and Samahria Lyte Kaufma…

Read More

Photo/text from: http://www.option.org/index.php

Thank you Neil Kaufman and Lyte Kaufman for working hard for our healing, and for having courage to be pioneers in the mental health world!

Doc Meek, Wednesday, February 2, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

P.S. Remind to post a future article about the value of SAMe, a natural product, which, when taken with prescribed antidepressants, has a reputation for being more effective than when using the antidepressant medication alone.

Monday, January 31, 2011. Today I grateful for those people who continue to provide a wide range of views and resolutions to the bane of our age–depression–both economic and mental/emotional.  Michael Masterson is one such person. He is a financial genius, which at first blush may seem to be an odd source for mental/emotional depression resolution ideas.

Doc Meek, Monday, January 31, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

P.S. Here is Michael Masterton’s complete article, should you wish to read it.

EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT AND THE ZEN OF GOLF

By Michael Masterson | Mon, Mar 30, 2009 |

About a month ago, I played golf for the first time with Number Three Son (N3S). I was looking forward to a pleasant afternoon. I imagined fresh air, healthy sunshine, and that father-son banter that women who don’t understand men categorize as superficial.

The afternoon started off as hoped for. The sun was shining. The course was green. We prepared by eating hotdogs and lighting up cigars. But on the very first tee, things started going badly. At least for N3S.

N3S is a novice golfer. He’s played less than half a dozen games. He was focused on long drives and good chips and accurate putting. When he didn’t hit the ball well – which was most of the time – he was angry with himself.

Though he may not have been hitting the ball the way he wanted, he was hitting it. I was impressed and told him so. “You are doing a lot better than I was at your stage of the game.”

That didn’t mollify him. By the ninth hole, he was emotionally exhausted. He didn’t want to play anymore. “It’s no use,” he said morosely. “I stink.”

N3S’s frustration with his poor performance and his subsequent depression reminded me of myself until just a few years ago. It scared me to think that he might go through what I went through for 40 years. On the way home, I talked to him about one of the ways I’ve overcome my own tendency to get depressed. Today, I’m going to share that same strategy with you.

When you’re happy, you can move mountains. When you’re angry or depressed, your energy drops, your focus blurs, and your productivity lapses.

Depression can blunt your work skills. It can damage your reputation. It can separate you from your income and your possessions. It can affect your relationships with your spouse, your children and family – even lifelong friends. Depression will rob you of all the beautiful little moments that make life worth living – like a day on the golf course with Dad.

It steals your fun. It steals your time. It leaves you with nothing.

Last week, in my article, “Defeating depression before it defeats you.” ~ Michael Masterson,” I told you two stories about friends of mine who fell into deep depressions when they lost their jobs and their income.

Both of them had based their self-worth on their ability to make money – a mistake that many entrepreneurs make. And when, through no fault of their own, they suffered a serious financial setback, they felt like failures. I suggested that the way to avoid falling into that trap is to base your self-worth on things that really matter – on personal values that have nothing to do with your income.

There’s another common mistake that leads many to despair. The mistake that N3S was making during our golf game. I have to warn you that the solution to this one is a bit harder to understand and practice. But stick with me while I explain it. Because once you “get it,” you’ll have no trouble maintaining a positive outlook… even under the most difficult circumstances.

I am talking about developing the skill of emotional detachment. More specifically, developing the ability to set and pursue goals without caring whether you actually achieve them.

I learned how to do this only six or eight years ago, and have been practicing it in fits and starts. As each year passes, I get better at it. I feel happier and more in control of my life. Most important, I think it has helped me pass along some of my newfound happiness to others.

When most people hear the phrase emotional detachment, they think it means indifference or even heartlessness. Nothing could be further from the truth. Emotional detachment frees you from neurotic attachments and lets you focus your energies on other people, other things, and the here and now.

The best example I can give you is the natural love that a mother has for her child. When the child is happy, the mother is happy. When the child is unhappy, the mother instinctively wants to find the cause of the unhappiness and end it, if she can.

When the mother discovers that the child is unhappy because of some physical discomfort, she tries to relieve it. When the cause is an emotional conflict, she does her best to teach the child how to handle it. The mother’s goal is always to prepare the child to become independent. She works consistently to gradually free the child from his natural dependence on her so that he can go out into the world and live a happy and productive life.

When an 11-year-old tells his mother that he “hates” her because she’s imposed some restriction on him, the (mentally healthy) mother does not feel hurt, even though a hurtful thing has been said. She loves the child and doesn’t take his statement to heart. She remains calm. She reminds him that she loves him. And she explains that the restriction will not be removed simply because he “hates” it or her.

In other words, she is emotionally detached from the child’s expressions of anger.

If you are a parent, you understand what I mean. Most parents, most of the time, practice this sort of emotional detachment with their children. But there are some who can’t do it, because they are emotionally attached to their children’s approval of them. These are the parents who want to be “best friends” with their children. They break their own rules the moment their children object to them. Sometimes they go so far as to tolerate risky behavior.

The skill of emotional detachment can be applied to all relationships. It can work with your boss and colleagues at work. It can work with your spouse or parents at home. Detachment can also be applied to almost any challenge or problem. And the result will always be greater calmness and clarity.

This gets us back to my story about N3S…

When I started golfing, I approached the game very much the way my son approached it. That is, I was concerned about the outcome of my shots. When hitting the ball off the tee, I cared about how far it would go. When I putted, I cared about how close the ball would get to the hole.

This made the game very frustrating. Being a beginner, the outcome of most of my shots was disappointing.

But it didn’t take me long to realize that I was my own worst enemy. By allowing myself to be disappointed four shots out of five, I was setting myself up for failure. (How can you learn to play golf well if you are swearing when you are swinging the club?) The trick, I soon figured out, was to detach myself emotionally from the intended outcome (where the ball goes) and focus instead on the experience of the swing.

My goal, when I play golf these days, is to have a good swing. I don’t care where the ball goes. All I care about is whether I achieve my intention of swinging the club properly.

This has made a remarkable difference in my game. In several short months, I have brought down my handicap by about 30 strokes. Before, I was shooting about 130 and hating the game. Now, I am hovering at 100 and liking it, even when the ball lands in a sand trap or rolls over the green.

Anything we do in life – any goal we set, any relationship we engage in – can be done better and more happily by applying emotional detachment.

Let me give you a few more examples.

Emotional Attachment: You want to go on a picnic Saturday afternoon. It rains. You are disappointed.

Emotional Detachment. You intend to have a picnic on Saturday. But, knowing you can never predict the weather, you consciously detach yourself from the hope that the sun will shine. You create Plan B – going to the movies instead. So when it rains, you move happily from Plan A to Plan B without getting upset or upsetting those with you. You are the Zen Master of your Saturday afternoon. You help others feel better by your good example. And that, in turn, increases your happiness.

Emotional Attachment. You want to get a raise. You don’t get one. You are disappointed.

Emotional Detachment. You intend to get a raise. But, knowing you can’t control the outcome of your next performance review, you come up with a Plan B that involves starting your own side business. You make a good presentation at the review, but your boss doesn’t give you the raise. You aren’t disappointed. In fact, you are excited… because now you can initiate Plan B.

Emotional Attachment: You want to marry your college sweetheart. You propose to her. She refuses you. You are crushed.

Emotional Detachment. You intend to marry your college sweetheart. But, recognizing that you cannot control her feelings, you detach yourself from that outcome and settle on Plan B, which is to enjoy the relationship for some months longer while you begin to look for a new one. You propose to her and are turned down. You aren’t sad. You don’t pout. You put Plan B into action. She notices your detachment and likes you better for it. Now it is up to you to continue the relationship or move on.

As I said earlier, the skill of emotional detachment is hard to understood and practice. But if you can master it, you will enjoy a life of unlimited wealth, health, and happiness.

Before N3S and I went golfing for the second time, I had him take a lesson with Larry, the pro I learned from. (Larry understands the Zen of golf. He, like Ben Hogan, understands that the true purpose of golf is not to achieve a specific score but to experience the serenity and pleasure that come with developing a consistently good swing.)

When we hit the golf course this time, I reminded N3S to focus his mind not on where the ball goes but on executing his swing. We played all 18 holes in perfect harmony. And though we didn’t care about our scores, they were better than they had been the time before.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011. Today I am grateful to know that depression can be treated by treating it as a learning disorder. So says my friend, who feels that depression is a learned behavior and can be chosen actively at will, albeit often  subconsciously. Same with addictions. Is depression an addiction?

Sad Bear (click on link immediately below if image blank)

Image from: http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2921121300100798180ApycpZ

What does depression feel like?

People view depression many different ways: http://www.healthexpertadvice.org/forum/Mental-Health/What-does-depression-feel-like-152591.htm

Letter from my friend: “Hi Collins,  Interesting approach to addictions.  Way back I remember finding that article called “You don’t have to be depressed it you don’t want to”.  I no longer have anything on it but when I just sit and read the Title there is a lot of food for thought there.   Also I once heard the line, “If you’re depressed perhaps that is the state you function best in.”  I guess some people are in a large comfort zone in depression because they really understand it and know where they are all the time. Maybe there is nothing wrong in living in a depressed state.”

In my previous posting, January 24, 2011, I quoted someone: “Depression is the natural result of unwanted circumstances.” If you missed that posting, simply click on this link:

“Depression, a many-splendored thing.” ~ Doc Meek

Doc Meek, Tuesday, January 25, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

Monday, January 24, 2011. I am grateful to know that depression is multi- faceted, both as to cause and as to resolution.

Image from: http://fightingdepression.co.uk/

A friend reported to me many years ago now:

“Depression is the natural result of unwanted circumstances.”

I was steeped in the medical model at the time and was very surprised at what he said.

I wonder who said this originally? If anyone knows, please let me know. My friend said he found it in an respectable academic paper.

Both conscious and subconscious negative thinking pattens about unwanted circumstances can generate neurochemical imbalances in the brain.

Some people take antidepressants to help balance neurochemicals, to encourage the occurrence of more positive thinking patterns.

Changes in neurochemicals can indeed sometimes promote more positive thinking patterns and lighten mood.

Amazingly the opposite is also the case:

Consciously changing subconscious negative thinking patterns towards more positive thinking patterns can often alter neurochemicals for the better.

What promotes conscious and subconscious negative thinking patterns?

Try the evening news for starters. 😮

Doc Meek, Monday, January 24, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

P.S. I remember Harv Eker saying:

(1) “Don’t believe anything I say.”

(2) “This is my experience. Test it for yourself.”

(2) “Nothing has any meaning except the meaning you give to it.”

T. Harv Eker’s Secrets of the Millionaire Mind! 10 min – 9 Sep 2006 Uploaded by mrblue37 youtube.com

Friday, January 21, 2011. I am grateful for my years of severe clinical depression. What!?

Yes, they were immensely helpful to me. I learned how to escape from the hellhole of depression–permanently. [“Hellhole” is not too strong a word for some depessions.]

And now I am able to help others learn how to overcome their depressions, large and small.

Image from: http://www.amazon.com/Here-Serenity-Principles-Understanding-Really/dp/0761524193/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295621559&sr=1-1

There is a new revised edition of this book available at: http://www.amazon.com/Serenity-Simple-Recovering-Happiness-Relations/dp/157324354X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1296084793&sr=1-1

I am very grateful for my friend, Jane Nelsen (educator, counselor, author), whose written thoughts have created escape hatches from the hell of depression for many.

As Dr. Nelsen so surprisingly says (of her own experiences with depressions): “My depressions quit lasting very long when I started enjoying them.”

She explains this seemingly outrageous statement on pp. 61-62 of her book entitled From Here to Serenity: Four Principles for Understanding Who You Really Are.

Dr. Nelsen’s book retails for about $20-$25, depending upon where you live. Used copies can be found on Amazon.com for 1 cent [great news for you; might be depressing for the author, eh? :o]

Thank you, Jane Nelsen, for bringing much-needed light to the dark hole of depression!

Doc Meek, Friday, January 21, 2011, Sherwood Park, Alberta, CANADA

P.S. “Tune in” to my next blog about depression, “a many-splendored thing.”