Doc Meek

Posts Tagged ‘fear of failure’

The baby cries, laughs, frowns, smiles, and tries to grab on to  everything within reach (and out of reach!). Fail, fail, fail. And fail again.

The baby keeps grasping, grasping, trying to do the impossible–control its arms and hands.

Fail, fail, fail, and fail again.

Finally, aha, success.

Smile.

The baby grasps and holds something in its grip.

And of course puts it immediately to its mouth.

Success!

And then more failure and more failure and more failure.

Sometimes tears. Mostly just continuing efforts to notice, to see clearly, to touch, to grasp.

Everything is new. And interesting. And even wonderful. The baby’s wonder and joy at learning every new and little thing inspires us. Reminds us to be open to new learning every day.

The mother or other guardian stands by, encouraging every bit of learning in the baby. Watching, caring, nurturing, loving. Stepping in to stop the baby if its learning drive puts it in danger of some kind. Standing back to let the baby learn so it can grow and develop into a self-managing person.

Change is easy for babies.

They are learning machines from birth onwards. And even before that. They are also teachers. They can teach us many things about learning, and loving learning. Babies are the supreme example of staying open to new learning every day, every hour. All the time.

Change is easy for babies because their early life epitomizes change. They are change, almost moment to moment.

Yet, in order to thrive, babies also need to be changed by others as well, to have their diapers changed, to have their location changed, by their mothers or others. Babies need to be fed, to be cared for, to be nurtured and to be loved by their mothers or others.

And in one sense this is true for all of us. We may be at a stage in life where we are still immediately within the sphere of our mother’s or another  guardian’s influence, or we may be older and somewhat beyond the sphere of the influence of others. Or we may be much older and way beyond the influence of others. Or at least we think we are.

Still, whether we like it or not, we are somewhat influenced by our mothers or other early guardians until we die.

So it is with teachers. Our students are influenced, for good or ill, by what we do and say in the now–in the present moment–all the days of their lives, until they die.

Are our students grateful for us, now, in the present? And we for them? It is up to us. And it is up to them also. We can work together, today, to inspire each other to be the best that is in each of us. And the best will be different for each of us, and different every day as we work together.

Will our students be grateful for us in the future? And we for them? That is up to us. And them. What will we do for them, and for ourselves, today? What will we do all together to inspire each other along the pathway of learning?

Today. Right now.

When is a good time to change?

Now.

Yet we do not always remember the lesson of the baby, the lesson of the little child. That now is the moment, the only moment we have, to enjoy, to value, to change.

We can change in an instant. To anger, yes, and also to happiness, although it seems that we are quicker sometimes to change to anger than to change to inspiring moments, to uplifting present moments, to moments of interest, to moments of curiosity, to moments of  learning, to moments of joy even.

Doc Meek

South Jordan, Utah, USA; Calgary and Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA

“Dr. Meek brings a unique blend of warmth, intelligence and humor to everything he does.” – Calgary PROFILE Magazine

I glow when I see that comment about me and my work.

I also cringe.

What?

I cringe because I remember when I read this nice statement to myself once, my inner critic said:

“Always??? You bring these glorious attributes to everything???” Well, my inner critic had me there, didn’t he?

I have to confess that there is enough truth in this journalist’s statement about me and my work that it challenges me to live up to it. And I must confess also that I have trotted this statement out publicly on occasion when it seemed appropriate to do so. Thus,  I am faced, just as you are, with trying to “walk my talk” or “practice what I preach,” even when it is someone else commenting about my work in helping children to overcome learning difficulties.

So how does this apply to learning?

My last name, “Meek,” in English means approximately: humble, teachable, open to new learning, angerless.

Since I am a “knowledge sponge” those meanings appeal to me! I want to try to live up to my name.

I want to learn how to live up to my name and also live the journalist’s kind statement . . . all the time.

And not “blow up” and “yell” when I am challenged by circumstances . . . ever.

Then I remember that what I really want is not to set myself up for certain failure. I want to make progress, not strive for elusive perfection (and then fall into despair when I slip, even just a little, even just once).

That’s what I teach my clients.

So we simply eliminate the word “always” and “never” from our vocabularies.

Why?

Because if I say, “I will always be warm, intelligent and humorous,” I’m a complete failure the first minute I frown, growl or yell. Ditto if I say, “I will never get angry.”

So we all together learn to change slowly by telling ourselves, and each other, over and over again:

“Progress, not perfection.”

More in another posting about setting and keeping high goals. Or maybe about  setting and keeping low goals.

Doc Meek

South Jordan, Utah, USA; and Calgary and Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA